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Bob's Blog: I Don't Like Bandon Dunes, v. 3.0
Updated: Thursday, May 9 2013, 04:28 PM CDT
I don't like Bandon Dunes.
Recently returned from our annual pilgrimage to America's number one golf resort, Bandon Dunes. For the third straight year we had to extend the trip one extra day because it's hard to get there. Awful news.
Quick introduction to our crew (names have been changed for protection):
JB, former star Humboldt State tight end – JB organizes the trip yearly. Has a motor that, like his great attitude, never quits. Hit a ball parallel to the tee box this week. That's hard to do --- and yet somehow he was 1 of 2 to do it.
Jack, former star everything, current star everything – Jack is the man, the myth, the legend. The Godfather. Never has to say much, but commands the room when he does. Stud.
Skip, former star Chico State hoops forward – Skip is an assistant women's hoops coach at Humboldt State, and after a rough season, you'd think his golf game would suffer. Just the opposite. Skip's a 16 handicap that played like an 8. He never gets mad on the course, and always enjoys himself as much as we enjoy him. He's so emotionally stable he doesn't even get bothered when a fellow Chico State hoops brother gives him flack about women's hoops.
Joe, former star golfer on the Canadian Tour – Joe is the most boring golfer I've ever seen. He hits his tee shot down the middle, his second shot on the green, and putts for birdie. As if his opening round 68 wasn't enough, Joe made wearing the old school golf hat cool. And I met his girlfriend before we left. Joe's done a fantastic job outkicking his coverage.
Brian, former star Chico State point guard – Multiple people say Brian marches to the beat of a different drummer. I'd love to meet that drummer, cause he must be pretty awesome. Brian could start playing cricket tomorrow and excel at it by Thursday. B's the most in-shape in our group, and rubs it in by doing pushups on every hole.
Matt (Forty), former star Las Positas soccer forward – Forty is the smaller version of JB in that he's always the life of the party. Forty loves playing golf and his game shows it. My personal favorite moment: at dinner he showed everyone his terrific impression of me putting, my Texas "accent" included.
Erik, former star golfer at College of the Canyons – Erik's suitcase matched Dave's shirt --- lime green. Speaking of green, that's where Erik hits most of his tee shots, because he drives the ball about 400 yards. Best dressed on the course by far, and it's not even a contest.
Vikas, former star doubles tennis player at West York High School – The doctor is in the house. Vikas is a podiatrist, and after walking 65 miles in 4 days, we all needed advice about foot surgery. Vikas was the second to pull off the parallel shot off the tee box, though he took it a step further and actually hit someone.
Dave, former star Mets catcher – Figuring out Dave is like putting together a 3000 piece puzzle – it takes time, but it's worth the wait. His dry sense of humor is only bettered by his aforementioned lime green shirt. While we were freezing in 55 degree weather and a 30 mile an hour sideways wind, Dave's wearing shorts regardless, because he's tougher than the rest of us combined.
Burt, former star Cardinals pitcher – Burt is one of the more entertaining players in the group -- just a lot of fun to be around. They call him Hall of Famer because he IS a Hall of Famer. A man who needs only a 1-iron in his bag, Hall of Famer simply cranks his sand wedge to any angle for any yardage. Burt just retired, which explains part of the reason the smile never left his face this weekend.
Bo, former star pickup hoops player at San Diego State University – Newbie # 1 to the group, Bo's swing is as stiff as a frozen shadow. Which doesn't matter all that much, because he's a blast to be around. He was thrilled to finally get to make the trip to "Bandon Dudes", and promptly fired a 125. Good news? He did so faster than Joe shot 68.
Larry, former star Eureka shortstop – Newbie # 2 to the group, Larry arrived Saturday afternoon to take Bo's place, quickly making him our favorite guy that arrived Saturday afternoon. He hits a solid ball, and loves to talk to his it while it's in mid-air. Or talk to himself while his ball is in mid-air. Or talk to the yellow gorse while his ball is in mid-air. Larry's smile never left his face – looked like a kid in a candy store.
(Sidenote: Names were not changed. These guys need no protection whatsoever)
Anyway, back the reasons I don't like Bandon Dunes.
1) The Cart Situation. None exist. We played 8 rounds in 4 days and walked the entire way. 65 miles – I had a pedometer.
2) The Weather. You have to pack for 34 different kinds of climate. It's sunny and 60, then it's raining and 40, then it's 55mph sideways winds. (Sidenote: Erik had one of the best shots I've ever seen 2 years ago – a ball that went 30 yards BEHIND him)
3) The Greens. One morning you play Old McDonald and you 4-putt, that afternoon you play Bandon Trails and the greens are so different, you 4-putt. (Wait, is that just me?)
4) The Food. No Tex-Mex? What is this, Oregon?
5) The Bunker Bar. I've been around less smelly men at a South by Southwest concert.
6) The Par 3 Course. It's new, and you can't putt off every tee box. It's simply unfair.
7) The Entertainment. The ability to leave the resort is almost non-existent, though I've heard if you can get to it, the Coos Bay club scene is pretty off the charts.
8) The Walking. Did I mention 65 miles in four days?
9) The Gorse. Sure, you can find a few Pro V1's if you want some scratched up arms. Also, the yellow is very distracting off the tee. That's the reason the ball goes right or left, not your swing.
10) The Beer. They ran out of Belhaven at one concession stand once. Cause to shut the whole thing down. (Although that could've been our fault – not entirely sure)
The reasons go on, but I should probably save a few for next year. Because as you can tell, there is no way anyone can like Bandon Dunes. I know I'm not alone when I say:
I don't like Bandon Dunes.
I absolutely love Bandon Dunes in every single way.